


I like you, I love you

by sugasneckpillow



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, PanWink - Freeform, but he's willing to show affection to guanlin, guanlin's a ceo now but he forever looks up to jihoon, jihoon's bad at showing affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-20 23:17:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13728096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugasneckpillow/pseuds/sugasneckpillow
Summary: Jihoon knows love. He likes the idea of love. He wants love. He wants to love. Yet, he doesn't know how to show love. Nor does he know what love is to himself.Thankfully, there's Guanlin to teach him all of that.(Jihoon has just been dumped by a girl and Guanlin hits him with a revelation that he'd never seen coming in the midst of consoling him)





	1. Chapter 1

Jihoon isn't one to express his love openly. In fact, he hardly ever does it to his friends or family. Not even to his parents.

That is why, some of the times, he doesn’t really understand why his lovers request that much from him.

Now is one of those many times.

“Sometimes I wonder whether or not you like me,” The girl in front of him says, her head dropping low and she tries to contain her tears. She trembles, and Jihoon is speechless, wanting to reach out to comfort her and yet feeling too uncomfortable to do so. “I buy you things that you say you like. I stay up till one or two to make your lunches. I ask around for opinions so I can perfect my behaviour and actions to make you happy. But… but you never seem to notice…”

Jihoon does. He notices it, he really does, and he always, always thanks her with a bright smile on his face. He appreciates it from the bottom of his heart, and he isn’t exactly _cold-hearted_ , so he buys her the things she likes in return. He spends his savings to buy her the purse she said she liked, the food she said she’d wanted to try, the tickets to the movie she’d wanted to see.

Was that not enough?

He sits in silence as he looks at his girlfriend, who just withers under his gaze. She’s beautiful, really, and he doesn’t want to see her cry. She’s been so nice to him, and he knows, so he thinks a nice girl like her should never have to cry.

Ironically, he also knows he’s the one who’s made her that way.

And he doesn’t know how to comfort her.

After a short while of quiet sobs, the girl looks up, tears streaming down her face. The sight is all too familiar to Jihoon, and he quickly fumbles for some tissue, placing it in front of the girl. She looks at the tissue and takes it, burying her face into it as she breathes slowly to calm herself down.

“Do you…” She says between hiccups. “Did you even like me from the start?”

Jihoon’s heart skips a beat at the question. _Does he?_ What is he supposed to say? That yes, he likes her, she’s a nice girl, one that is closest to his ideal image? Somewhere deep in his mind, he questions himself: _Is that even what you call 'like'?_

“You’re not even saying anything,” she says, laughing sadly as she wipes her tears. She rises from her seat and exhales slowly, willing her tears away. “Let’s break up.”

She leaves with a huff, striding away from Jihoon’s life. 

Jihoon finds himself sinking deeper into the soft fabric of the chair with a palm over his eyes. He reaches to his pocket and dials the familiar number.

It doesn’t take more than one second for the person to pick up.

“Hey, Guanlin. She broke up with me.”

There’s a pause before the man on the other end of the phone speaks up.

“Where are you?”

Jihoon sighs and stares into his cold coffee. He hadn’t even managed to drink one sip out of the damn drink. “The cafe down the street. Come here.”

“I’m on it.”

It’s just been ten minutes and Jihoon already sees a tall, slender figure settle in the opposite of his seat. The man wears a sleek grey suit, a white dress shirt and a dark blue tie, his handsome looks attracting surprised attention from different corners of the cafe. His hair is a little ruffled from rushing here, and Jihoon can see his chest heaving up and down, showing that he had likely run here.

Though Jihoon’s not really in the mood to smile, he found himself doing so as he realises proudly that he’d made the CEO of a famous retail company come in a hurry, _just for him_.

“You’re not alright,” Guanlin says, a frown settling over his usually reserved features. “Are you?”

“No.” Jihoon holds up his coffee and takes a sip. Yuck. The taste of coffee is too bitter for him; he’s never liked coffee anyway. His girlfriend… no, his ex, had always liked this cafe’s food and drinks though, so he thought he’d give it a try and maybe grow to like it one day. So that, well, so that he could come here as frequently as he can with her. “That’s a dumb question.”

“Sorry.” The younger man leans back in his chair and sighs. “I thought things were going well with her?”

“It had been.” Jihoon lets out an empty laugh and pulls out something from his pocket. “Are you free tonight, Guanlin?”

Guanlin jumps a little and immediately sits up straight, eyes widening at the older man’s unexpected question. “What? Why?” He grins. “Are you asking me out?”

Jihoon rolls his eyes. Guanlin pulls these jokes on him too often. “I have two tickets to a classical concert. Do you want to go with me?”

“Of course!” Guanlin looks almost too excited for a man of his age, his grin only spreading wider on his lips. His eyes light up like a kid’s would when they see fireworks for the first time. “Why classical concerts, though? You never struck me as someone who would appreciate these things.”

“I bought these for her.” Jihoon recalls the one time his ex girlfriend had stared happily at her iPad, replaying videos of cello and violin concertos over and over again as she ranted about how great the players were at producing such beautiful music. “She wanted to see violin and cello concertos live.”

When Guanlin doesn’t respond, Jihoon looks up from his tickets and focuses his gaze on the boy to find out what’s wrong. The younger man looks hurt, and Jihoon suddenly feels guilty of what he’s said. Though he’s not sure why he feels like this, it’s certainly not a comfortable feeling, and it starts to irk him greatly.

“I see,” Guanlin says after a while, the vigour in his voice completely lost. “I have work. Don’t know if I can make it tonight.”

“Oh.” Jihoon looks at the tickets in his hands, biting his lips a little nervously. He feels extremely uncomfortable, and it’s been quite a while since he’s felt this way. The last time this kind of discomfort (probably a mixture of guilt, hurt and self-loathing) occurred was when Guanlin had a horrible fever and he was unable to properly take care of him because of a promised date with another girl. It was her birthday, and Jihoon hadn’t the heart to turn her down.

Jihoon still remembers that incident as clear as day. Guanlin’s business partner and good friend, a reliable man called Ong Seongwoo, had rung him up in the office. Jihoon was picking out flowers for the girl when he received the call, but had almost run out of the shop without paying when he was notified that Guanlin had collapsed in the middle of work and was burning up badly.

_”You were the first person in his contact list, so I figured you were an important person to him,” Ong Seongwoo explained apologetically after Jihoon had rushed to his office. “It would be great if you could take him home, if you know where it is.”_

_“Okay. Leave that to me.” Jihoon and Seongwoo half carried and half walked Guanlin out the doors of the office building and helped him into the taxi._

_“Call me when you arrive home,” Seongwoo said, worry written all over his face. “If you need anything, please just call me from his phone.”_

_“Got it,” Jihoon said, before speeding to Guanlin’s home with the unconscious boy._

_By the time they had arrived at Guanlin’s apartment, Guanlin had become a little conscious, and was able to crawl to bed himself. Jihoon checked his watch and realised that it was almost time for meeting up with his girlfriend._

_“It’s her birthday, isn’t it?” Guanlin said with half lidded eyes, his breathing inconsistent from his sickness. “It’s okay. There’s paracetamol in my drawer. I can have that. If I need anything I can call Seongwoo.”_

_Jihoon felt his heart clench a little at the mention of another man’s name, feeling that he himself was not reliable enough. It’s true though, what kind of friend would opt to celebrate a girlfriend’s birthday while his friend was outright suffering?_

_He clenched his fists and apologised, feeling a pang attack him when he saw Guanlin smile. Guanlin had said it was okay and that he should hurry. Jihoon listened and had left his apartment then._

Jihoon stares at his cold coffee, subconsciously gritting his teeth at the memory. He was an inadequate friend, he knew that clearly. And Guanlin certainly was no normal friend; he’d stuck to him loyally since middle school, and had stood up for him despite the many times he’d been told how shit of a person he was, how cold of a monster he had to be to break the hearts of so many people. And now, Guanlin’s a CEO of his very own company, a company that has blown up recently. Meanwhile, Jihoon is just a person struggling to make ends meet with his job as a doctor’s assistant. And all this time, Guanlin has never really minded their difference in status, their difference in positions, and has continued to look up to him as his favourite hyung and best friend.

He owes too much to Guanlin, but he doesn’t know how to admit it. And he doesn’t know how to repay him.

“I guess you don’t want to watch it with me,” Jihoon says and manages a smile on his face, though he’s really hurting inside. “Then how about… how about I give these tickets to you? You can take a girl out and impress her.”

Guanlin stares at Jihoon. Jihoon allows him to stare, knowing that it’s a regular habit of his. Guanlin likes to look at him, and Jihoon, once curious, had asked him why.

_”You’re really good looking, you know that?”_

Just thinking of Guanlin’s reply would make him blush a little. It was an unexpected reply, but he liked it. A lot.

“I like men, Jihoon.”

“What!?” Jihoon jumps and widens his eyes, the tickets dropping from his grasp. Guanlin hurriedly snatches it, saving the tickets from fluttering onto the floor. “You- you what?”

Guanlin places the tickets onto the table before them and averts his eyes. “I’m gay, Jihoon.”

Jihoon can’t believe his ears. Lai Guanlin, gay? Certainly, this man had his own ways of expressing affection to Jihoon, and other of his guy friends. He liked cuddling and sometimes even random kisses on the cheek. But Jihoon had thought of it as purely platonic, having witnessed his popularity among females throughout his growth. Guanlin was tall, he was handsome, and even extremely sporty and smart. He was a good balance of everything, and is the nearest to being perfect he can ever imagine. That was why he never had the problem of attracting females. Of course, Guanlin was just as popular with males, but in a platonic way. He was great at basketball, and that alone won the hearts of most men.

“Is there a problem with that?” Guanlin voices his words carefully, as if afraid that he’s said something wrong. As if, God forbid, Jihoon would hate him for saying what he did.

“No!” Jihoon is quick to clarify is thoughts on Guanlin’s sudden revelation of his sexuality. “I’m just shocked. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“I wanted to wait. Till I made sure of how I really felt.” Guanlin still refuses to look up and face Jihoon, and frankly speaking, Jihoon’s feeling pretty frustrated at Guanlin’s behaviour. Hadn’t he just made it clear that he was fine with what he said? Why did Guanlin still have to sound like he doubted himself?

“That’s alright.” Jihoon gives Guanlin a smile, hoping his own smile will cheer the boy up. “Look, that’s fine, Guanlin. Really.”

Guanlin starts to turn back to Jihoon, hope flickering in his eyes like a small fire. Jihoon relaxes his shoulders. Guanlin is a big baby. He may be twenty five, he may be the CEO of a company, he may be his subordinates’ worst nightmare, but he is Jihoon’s favourite dongsaeng. And Jihoon will forever be his hyung, if he allows it.

“So do you have someone you like that made you realize this?” Jihoon asks casually, though the question drops like a bomb between the two of them, creating a heavy atmosphere that surrounds their area.

Guanlin purses his lips. Jihoon sees Guanlin’s adam’s apple bob while he nervously swallows. Jihoon both fears and anticipates the answer, though he isn’t sure why.

“Yes.” Finally, Guanlin speaks up with a firmness in his voice. “There is someone that I really, really like. But I haven’t confessed yet.”

“Oh.” Jihoon’s heart drops a little. “Well…” His heart pounds heavily against his chest as he holds up the tickets on the table and sticks them in front of Guanlin’s face with a forced smile. “Bring him to the concert.”

Guanlin looks at the tickets, then back at Jihoon. His two big hands come up and grasp Jihoon’s softly, and he beams at him. It’s a beautiful smile, Jihoon thinks. He ignores the prickly feeling over his hands where Guanlin is touching him and pushes away all other thoughts.

“I will, then. I’ll ring him up later and properly ask him out.”

Jihoon’s heavy heartbeat does not lose its weight when he trembles slightly at the reply. Guanlin takes the tickets from him and slip them into his pocket, his signature toothy smile melting him away and eating him out on the inside at the same time.

“Do you miss her, Park Jihoon?” Guanlin asks, and Jihoon already knows he’s referring to his girlfriend.

He’d felt indebted to her, yes. He’d wanted to please her. He did like her. But was it _like_ like? Jihoon doesn’t know. He’s never experienced anything beyond what he felt for her.

Did he miss her?

“No,” Jihoon replies before he even thinks. But he feels as if a weight has been lifted from his shoulders, and he knows immediately that his answer was genuine.

Guanlin smiles again, and it’s the brightest he’s seen today.

“That’s all I needed to hear,” Guanlin says, before standing up from his chair and leaving the cafe.

Jihoon doesn't know why he feels more at loss than when the girl left him. It feels like there is a piece cut out from his heart, that something important in his life is leaving him. It takes him a moment to realize his heart is in great wrenching pain, and he takes another sip of the coffee in an attempt to quench it.

He wrinkles his nose. The coffee’s shitty.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically? Jihoon's dumb abt feelings and expressing them.

There are many things Jihoon finds himself insecure about. Sure, there are things he’s good at, there are things that people look up to him for; how else would he be able to charm so many girls?

He’s good at dancing, for one. And beatboxing. These are actually things that he’d dreamed of doing on stage, in front of a large crowd, where people can acknowledge his skills.

Jihoon glares daggers at his empty cup of coffee. He doesn’t know when he’s finished it, but damn, coffee has never tasted more bitter. And God, why is he thinking about all this now? He'd put the dream of being an idol far behind his head the moment he knew he didn’t have the time or the money.

Jihoon remembers Guanlin, who had once pursued the same dream as he. He recalls the many times Guanlin would pull him to karaoke rooms in the weekends to relieve their stress, and he reminisces putting in all their youthful energy into having fun. They even had their very own productions in music. Guanlin’s interest in hip hop motivated him to continuously write lyrics for his own raps, while Jihoon invested his time into choreographing songs. 

Jihoon finds himself smiling at the memory. Those were the good days. He and Guanlin had a shared channel on Youtube, where Jihoon would upload dance videos and Guanlin would upload videos of him rapping. They even had a fan base. They weren’t that well known, and the fan community was relatively small, but none of that really mattered. They were both highly spirited youths who pursued their own dreams without any burden on their shoulders.

But then, Jihoon’s mother fell sick. She needed to stay at the hospital, but the treatment price was exorbitant. Jihoon knew that his father, as a convenience store owner, could not be the sole supporter of his family. So he gave up on his dream and quickly fumbled for a job, in hopes to help pay the hospital fees and take on his responsibility as a good son.

_”Jihoon, let me share your burden.”_

It was when Jihoon had faced the hardest time of his life that Guanlin had said this short sentence. These few words seemed to light up Jihoon’s world the moment they came out of Guanlin’s mouth. He remembers the bright smile on his face, the wonderful toothy smile that never seems to diminish even when his hopes start to wilt away. This was the smile that had rekindled the fire and passion in Jihoon’s heart, and helped him march on forward courageously in the path of life.

Jihoon buries his head to his hands as he curls himself in. He hadn’t noticed how much he _depends_ on Guanlin. He hadn’t noticed that Guanlin had been his sole pillar of mental support, hadn’t treasured enough how Guanlin never strayed from his side.

“Sir, are you alright?” Jihoon hears a female voice above him that is laced with concern. He looks up and straightens himself as he sees a waitress worriedly hovering over him.

“I’m fine, thank you.” He stands and pushes the seat back into the table, and smooths out the creases of his dress shirt and his trousers.

As Jihoon makes his way out of the cafe, he stares at his watch and realizes that it’s already way half past two. His heart drops at the thought that Lai Guanlin will soon be asking the man of his dreams out on a date, holding the tickets that Jihoon had willingly offered.

Jihoon sighs. Is it bad of him to regret giving away those concert tickets as a gift? Is it bad of him to wish he had insisted on Guanlin watching them with him? 

He tries to visualise another man in Guanlin’s arms, tries to visualise them cuddling together like no one else matters. He tries to visualise Guanlin beaming at that certain person and telling him that he is his favourite person in the world.

At this point, his heart starts to throb painfully in his chest.

Jihoon must be a masochist, because his thoughts start to stray, and he tortures himself by imagining how good of a lover Guanlin would be. Would Guanlin tell the man that he’d _share his burden with him_ , just like he did to Jihoon? Would he run to him at whatever time of the day, even in the middle of his job, whenever his lover requested him to do so? Would he throw away all his dreams just to help his lover achieve his?

Jihoon stops in his tracks. 

All of these are things that Guanlin had willingly done for him.

Jihoon must be dumb to not have noticed the countless things Guanlin had done for him. He must have been blind to not realize that Guanlin… had been his everything.

His life had been dull, so dull that he’d found himself constantly hooking up with different people, trying to find some sort of pleasure in spending time with them, in pleasing them, and in bathing in some sort of affection. But all this time, Guanlin had brought that rare extra spark in his life, and made his dull life worth living.

Jihoon starts to run. He feels the soft wind against his face, and for some reason, he also feels wetness on his cheeks. When he raises a hand to brush the moisture off, he realizes that it’d been his tears, and not rain that had magically appeared out of nowhere.

He feels pathetic. A grown man like him, twenty seven years old now, crying over losing his friend? 

But then, he finds himself wondering, is this really the problem? Maybe Guanlin isn’t even going to leave him. Maybe he will still be Guanlin’s favourite hyung. Maybe they will live their own lives, marry their own loved ones, and still be the best of friends.

His heart hurts, it really does, and the pain starts to devour his mind and body. He claws at his chest as he runs, and doesn't even care when others throw weird glances at him along the way.

Where is he even heading?

This isn’t a question he needs to ask himself, because deep down in his heart, he already knows _exactly_ where he’s going.

He halts his footsteps, chest heaving up and down as he pants heavily.

He’s arrived.

The moment he stops, he realises that his phone had been ringing non-stop in his pocket.

“What,” he says, his breaths unsteady from the vigorous exercise. 

“Don’t you ‘what’ me, kid! I let you take the evening off so you better get your ass here quick. I’m a nice person so I’ll wait for fifteen minutes.”

Jihoon looks at his phone with obvious distaste as the doctor he’s working for continues his ramblings on his duties as an assistant. Ha Sungwoon is a good guy, but he sure as hell speaks a lot. Not that Jihoon isn’t glad that he came across Sungwoon instead of some random bad tempered doctor.

“Sorry, Sungwoon. I don’t think I can make it this afternoon,” he says between slow intakes of breath. There’s a pause on the other end of the line when he says this.

“Why? You okay and everything?” Sungwoon asks carefully, worry prominent in his voice. Jihoon’s shoulders relax at the sound of someone actually being concerned for his well being. He misses… goddamnit, he misses Guanlin caring for him, even though it’s been a few hours before Guanlin had rushed over to console him after the breakup…

Has he always been this needy a friend?

“Hello? Jihoon? You still there? You dead?”

“Yeah,” Jihoon replies, sighing.

“So it’s ‘yes’ to still there or ‘yes’ to being dead?”

“Oh, for god’s sake, just… both. I’m having a bad day,” Jihoon plops himself down on a bench. “By the way, I think I can make it this evening. So just excuse me for the afternoon, thanks.”

“Gosh, is this your home? Am I your parent or something? I’m your boss, Jihoon, you can’t just tell me when you’re gonna take leave or when you’re not,” he hears Sungwoon grumble. “But then again, because I’m an extremely nice person, and because you’re a cute little bunny that attracts more patients to my clinic-”

“I’m not!”

“-I’ll let this slide. You won’t be coming back this afternoon, nor will you be coming back this evening. But you sure as hell will be working overtime this weekend, you hear me? Good luck with life, shithead.”

The line cuts right there. Jihoon, not wanting to be disturbed by his chatty boss anymore, turns off his phone and slides it into his pocket.

It’s been a while since Jihoon had come here. This is a deserted road on the top of a small mountain, a place where he and Guanlin would go to after school to film videos of them rapping or dancing. They would face the vast scenery and pretend that it’s their own stage. Guanlin would marvel at Jihoon’s dancing skills and beg him to teach him popping. Jihoon would patiently guide him step by step, helping Guanlin untangle the mess of his long limbs as he works hard to perfect Jihoon’s meticulously prepared choreography.

Sighing again at the bliss of a nostalgic moment, Jihoon takes out a packet of cigarettes and pulls out a lighter. It’s been a while since he’s smoked, because Guanlin had always told him it’s not healthy-

Again, Guanlin! When can he ever stop thinking about him?

Jihoon puts the cigarette between his teeth and finds some difficulty in lighting it, which only causes his irritation to grow. Guanlin this, Guanlin that. Honestly, the more he thinks, the more he finds himself outright _obsessed_ with the boy. It almost seems as if the way he’d seen the boy had exceeded ‘friends’-

The cigarette lights up finally. Jihoon takes a long drag and exhales.

No. No fucking way.

Is he in love with Guanlin?

He sits and stares quietly at the familiar scenery. It’s not really that beautiful. Since the mountain’s small, the location is hardly placed above those high rise buildings, making it hard to appreciate the usual magnificence of a densely packed urban view. However, it’s a sight that calms his heart, nourishes his soul. It’s a sight that he holds dearly to himself, a sight that he will never ever forget.

Certainly, it’s the moments he’d spent here with Guanlin that made the scenery something worth treasuring.

Oh, God.

Jihoon takes the cigarette out from his mouth and let his other hand drop to his side.

He’s so in love with Guanlin.

It’s not even a small, mushy crush. It’s not any of those fleeting heart fluttering things that he’d sometimes experience with some of the girls he’d been with. It’s none of that.

He’s so, incredibly, helplessly, head-over-heels for Lai Guanlin.

“Park Jihoon?” He suddenly hears a deep rumble of a voice from afar.

Jihoon nearly jumps at the voice. Wait, is he so ridiculously infatuated to the extent that he’s starting to imagine Guanlin’s voice? Fuck, he should go see Ha Sungwoon and have this nonsense cured.

He puts the cigarette back into his mouth and chews thoughtfully as he stares at the watch. Five o’clock, huh. So by now Guanlin would have picked up his date and asked him out.

Maybe he could call him. Say goodbye or something. Or good luck. Either that or he could have a pathetic talk with him about how he’s actually gay _too_ and hint at how they could possibly… date, maybe?

Jihoon groans. He feels like one of those whiny and clingy girls from chick flicks.

“Park Jihoon!” He hears the voice again, this time a lot nearer.

Wow, he really needs to get his brain checked.

“What the fuck, world,” he mutters to himself before he stupidly turns in the direction of the voice, whether imaginary or not, perhaps with some hope that a certain someone would actually come for him.

And that certain someone _actually_ did.

His cigarette nearly drops out of his mouth when he stands up abruptly, his eyes wide as saucers. He must be dreaming.

If he wasn’t, why else would a gorgeous white car be parked right in front of him while the driver, who is none other than Lai Guanlin, climbs out elegantly like some kind of rich prince from movies?

Guanlin shuts the door heavily and Jihoon jumps again, this time blinking a few more times to confirm that he’s not imagining things. But it’s indeed Lai Guanlin, he wouldn’t ever mistake him for anyone else. That smooth, silky brown hair that’s gelled in style whenever he’s geared up for work, the tall and slender body, the sharp, smart brows and those beautiful, luscious pink lips…

And then he’s wearing something that absolutely makes Jihoon’s heart _stop_. Guanlin is clad in sleek black, which emphasises his fit figure and his handsome features. Everything about him is more posh than ever; he’s never really dressed himself up this much.

Jihoon’s heart thuds rapidly against his chest when the younger starts approaching him from the car at a quick pace. Before he knows it, Guanlin is already right in front of him, their bodies only inches apart.

With a swift motion, Guanlin snatches the cigarette out of his mouth and narrows his eyes at Jihoon. “I told you, no smoking.”

Jihoon is completely rendered speechless. He only stares intelligently back at Guanlin, who, with an irked expression on his face, squishes the cigarette butt into the tray on top of a nearby trash bin.

When Guanlin comes back to him, he’s standing dangerously close again, causing Jihoon to lean backwards as he averts his gaze. 

“It’s past five. Go get your date,” Jihoon says, though he doesn’t exactly find himself convincing.

Jihoon can feel Guanlin’s gaze burning into him, and his heartbeat speeds up even more rapidly. He subconsciously leans back further, though he starts to get a little uncomfortable with both the tension and his position.

In the midst of Jihoon’s chaotic storm of fluttering heartbeats and jumbled thoughts, Guanlin places a warm hand behind Jihoon’s back. Just as Jihoon is about to thank Guanlin for steadying him, Guanlin grabs his arm with his other hand and gives a small tug, which causes Jihoon to collapse over his chest.

Jihoon’s a strong man, he really is, but no matter how hard he struggles, he doesn’t budge one bit! Not with Guanlin’s hand behind his back, firmly pushing him into his embrace. Just how strong has this boy become, now that he’s even overpowering his hyung?

“Guanlin-”

“I know you don’t like these kinds of things, but let’s stay like this for a while.” Jihoon feels the deep rumble from Guanlin’s chest when theirs are pressed tightly together. They’re fit snugly and perfectly against each other, as if they are matching pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

Though Jihoon doesn’t know why Guanlin’s suddenly acting like this, or why he’s here instead of going to pick up his date, but he _likes_ whatever this is. Whatever it is they’re doing. Even if he isn’t exactly a person who likes cuddling, or -what’s the word- skinship or anything like that, he feels comfortable in doing so with Guanlin.

Jihoon finds himself leaning into Guanlin’s embrace and burying into the crook of his neck, breathing in the familiar smell of light cologne and the lavender body wash he often uses. It smells of Guanlin. It smells of home.

“Why are you even here?” Jihoon says, voice muffled against Guanlin’s skin. He feels Guanlin shiver against him, and his lips quirk up a little at the physical response.

“To pick my date up.”

Jihoon tenses immediately, and Guanlin strokes his back gently as an attempt to relieve Jihoon of any discomfort.

“You told your date to meet up at this place? How cruel of you,” Jihoon says, tone surprisingly cold even though he doesn’t shift his position. “I thought this place was exclusively ours.”

“It is,” Guanlin says.

Jihoon frowns and pulls back, looking up at Guanlin’s handsome face. “Then how-”

That’s when realisation crashes onto him like a truck, and he’s stuck in the middle of a sentence with his mouth wide open. His heartbeat picks up again and his blood seems to pound aggressively in his veins. 

“You’re fucking with me, Lai Guanlin,” Jihoon almost chokes on his words. “If this is some sort of joke-”

A warm pair of lips meet his to stop him from saying anything further. Jihoon jolts from the contact, but finds himself gradually melting into it as the heat engulfs him whole, devouring his mind and his body, emptying all his other thoughts into the ocean.

His eyes flutter shut as he sinks into the touch. When Guanlin feels Jihoon succumbing to him, the gentle press of the lips start to shift into something more vigorous, more risky, and more _dangerously alluring_. Guanlin bites softly at Jihoon’s lower lip, causing Jihoon to gasp as his mouth opens slightly. That’s when Jihoon’s mind completely short circuits, and he spirals into a void when he tastes the sweetness of Guanlin’s mouth, the softness of Guanlin’s tongue. 

Jihoon longs for Guanlin’s touch, and he knows through this kiss that Guanlin longs for his. They establish a mutual understanding at that moment, indulging themselves in the warmth of each others’ embrace.

After a while, Jihoon pulls away from Guanlin, panting slightly as they part. Blood rushes to his face, and he can feel himself starting to redden. Guanlin places a cool, soothing palm against his scorching cheek and places a soft peck on Jihoon’s forehead.

“You know,” Guanlin says, dropping his head gently onto Jihoon’s shoulder. “I’ve wanted this for so, so long. Do you even have any idea?”

Jihoon stares at the tuft of hair at the corner of his eye and raises an arm to touch Guanlin’s. He lets himself shut his eyes and listen closely to what Guanlin has to say.

“You keep getting girlfriends, one after another. I see them touch you, I see them kiss you, and I-” Guanlin shudders, and Jihoon’s heart clenches at the open vulnerability of the boy as he listens to his gentle, shaky voice. “I just couldn’t stand it, even though you never seem to reciprocate those actions.”

“How could you let them touch you like that?”

Jihoon purses his lips. He hadn’t wanted to. But if he was going to be anyone’s boyfriend, he should at least let them do what they wanted if he wasn’t going to openly show affection.

“But I told myself that it was okay. If they are what it takes to make you happy, if your girlfriends can put a smile on your face… then it doesn’t matter to me.” Guanlin sighs. “Many of the times, I know that your relationships weren’t going to last. But I never said anything about it, because even if it’s temporary happiness, I think you deserve it. No, I know you deserve it.”

“Guanlin…” Jihoon releases his grasp on Guanlin’s arm and gently runs his hand into the brown tuft of hair. This boy is precious, so precious. What he’s said has almost wrenched Jihoon’s heart out of his own chest. 

“Every time you break up with a girl, you never seem happy. But you know what? Every time it happens, I rejoice in knowing that you’re single again, and that I won’t have to share you with anyone else. That I might have a chance.” He laughs bitterly, and it’s a sound that pains Jihoon greatly. “I’m an asshole, aren’t I?”

“No you’re not,” Jihoon says softly. “Not at all.”

Guanlin looks up from his shoulder and Jihoon finds himself staring once again into those beautiful starry pits. He notices that Guanlin’s eyes are a little red, and he can’t help but put a palm over Guanlin’s cheek while he uses a finger to brush off the moisture in his eyelashes.

Guanlin stands back up straight and looks down at him, pretty eyes carrying a heavy mix of emotions. “It’s nice to see you smile,” Guanlin says, his lips quirking up a little himself. “You haven’t smiled much ever since your mother laid sick in bed.”

“If only you let me help you. I wanted to… Jihoon, I really, really wanted to help you.” There’s a regretful sadness lingering in the man’s voice. “But you just wouldn’t let me. Money has never been a problem for me, and yet you refuse to let me pay for your mother’s medical fees.”

Before Jihoon can argue, Guanlin puts a finger over his lips. “I know, you want to rely on yourself. But didn’t I tell you, hyung?” Guanlin drags his finger to the side of his lips, feeling the smooth, plump flesh under the skin as he does so. “Let me share your burden.”

At that moment, the image of this Guanlin seems to overlap with the younger Guanlin, who had pleadingly looked at him with those marvellously pure eyes. After a few blinks, Jihoon sees a handsome, grown man.

“I’m an adult now, Jihoon. And I want you to rely on me, from now on.” Guanlin lowers himself to touch his forehead to Jihoon’s. “Will you go out with me?”

That’s right. Guanlin is a full grown adult now, he’s no longer the child that fanboys over Machine Gun Kelly, no longer the small dongsaeng that trails after his footsteps and clings onto him so desperately.

He is Lai Guanlin, the man that Jihoon loves.

“Yes,” Jihoon says before closing the distance between the two of them, once again finding himself thirsting over the warmth that is Lai Guanlin’s lips and embrace.

* * *

“So why didn’t you pick up your phone earlier?” Guanlin says with a raised brow as he takes the wheel. “I was worried sick when I couldn’t call you or find you at home.”

“Ha Sungwoon,” Jihoon says, as if that name itself could explain everything. Guanlin mutters a soft ‘ah’ in response.

Jihoon crosses his legs and looks at Lai Guanlin, whom he can now proudly call his boyfriend. He’s really handsome, he thinks, a smile spreading widely on his face. 

Guanlin sees him in the corner of his eye and smirks. “What, like what you see?”

Jihoon is not in the mood to argue. Actually, he’s in _too good_ of a mood to argue. So he just nods.

Guanlin laughs. “You’ll be seeing this every day from now, don’t you worry.”

Jihoon snorts. “Don’t tell me you’re going to crash Sungwoon’s office. He’s _not_ going to be happy.”

“Oh, I did that too many times already. He probably even remembers my name,” Guanlin says casually. “It’s all good, bet he’s used to it. If he isn’t, he will be.”

Jihoon clicks his tongue and shakes his head. “You’re such a cheeky brat, aren’t you.”

“A cheeky lovable brat, mind you.”

Jihoon rolls his eyes, but only with half seriousness. He leans back in his chair and looks out the window. The sun is setting, and the sky is turning dark. 

“Can I ask you something, Guanlin?”

“Hm?”

“When did you start liking me?”

“I don’t like you, Park Jihoon.” Guanlin says with a tone of mock seriousness. Jihoon hits him gently on the arm, and he lets out a laugh. “I love you.”

Jihoon freezes in his movements and looks at Guanlin, who has his eyes focused on the road as if he’s said something that is just out of common sense. He feels a flush creep up his neck and then to his cheeks, slowly flooding him with overwhelming warmth. “That’s not an answer.”

“It was love at first sight, you happy?” 

Jihoon feels himself heat up another degree. 

“And aren’t you going to say it back?” Guanlin says with a teasing tone, the annoying smirk staying stubbornly on his face. “I can’t be the only one confessing, can I.”

“I… I like you,” Jihoon says, almost scrunching up his nose from the cheesiness. Hell, he’d hardly even said anything of the like to his parents!

“Oh?” Guanlin just raises a brow, prompting him to continue.

Jihoon sighs, a little bit hesitant to follow it up with something stronger. But he clenches his fists, grits his teeth, and mentally puts on a band of courage.

“I love you,” he says, albeit awkwardly with gritted teeth and all.

Guanlin laughs and flicks his forehead with his free hand. “We’ll work on saying that more, honey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk to me on twitter/cc: @encredame


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